Mike Parker: Take time to be truly thankful

As Thanksgiving Day approaches, I am wondering just how thankful we truly are. We know not everything is perfect, but we live in a nation and in an age where we enjoy benefits in our lives that few have ever known.

Yet, everywhere I go, I hear people complaining. They complain about the price of gas and diesel. They complain about the cost of food. They complain about their children, the schools their kids attend, their churches, and their lives in general.

Our brains seem set on “negative perception.” I am reminded of the lady who handed a little boy an orange. His mom said to the little one, “What do you say?” The tyke raised the orange to his benefactor and said, “Peel it.”

Do we really want our lives marked by ingratitude?

I read an interesting article on the perils of ingratitude. Reggie Joiner, who frequently writes for theParentCue.org and offers advice on raising children, identified five specific issues children develop when their parents fail to model gratitude.

First, if a child grows up in a home where gratitude is seldom expressed, then the child develops an unhealthy ego. All of us want our children to be confident and believe in themselves. But we do not want our kids to be self-centered. We should want our children to understand that living a successful life involves the influence – and often the assistance – of others. The best way to recognize the impact of others on our lives is by expressing thanks.

Another point Joiner raised involves the friendships ingratitude can destroy.

“The best way to burn through good friendships fast is to never show gratitude,” he wrote in “Dangers of an Ungrateful Life.” “Smart friends are not going to stay in relationships with people who just use or drain them. So, you can expect the right kind of friends to avoid ungrateful people. At the same time, those who are ungrateful will tend to attract friends who are the same.”

In my long years as a teacher, I saw this principle at work. We often think of the lonely kid sitting in the school lunchroom as misunderstood or ostracized by other students. At times, we may be correct in this assessment.

But what I observed even more was that the kid sitting alone in the cafeteria was a person who had used other people. This child thinks he or she has the right to take and take – without a word of thanks and without ever giving back. The surest way to become a loner is to avoid showing gratitude.

Ingratitude also fuels a sense of entitlement, Joiner writes. Children – and adults – afflicted with this problem think they deserve everything anyone gives them or does for them.

“Entitlement implies that others do what they do for me because they recognize my importance. Without a habit of gratitude, you convince yourself that the rest of the world should help you because you deserve it.”

Ingratitude is the surest way to breed discontent and a critical spirit. Those two go hand in hand. The more dissatisfied we become, the more we nourish a critical spirit. The more critical we become, the more resentful we become.

The Apostle Paul wrote a letter to the believers in Philippi. He wrote in Chapter 4, “6 Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. 7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

Paul’s advice is the opposite of the ego-centric, entitled, critical nature that ingratitude breeds. “Be careful for nothing” in today’s language means “stop worrying about everything.” Instead, we are to pray. When we pray, we are to offer our prayers with thanksgiving. Thanksgiving changes our outlook, and the result is the peace of God guarding our hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

I love the old hymn “Count Your Blessings.” The song tells us to “count your blessings – name them one by one.” Those words are sound advice for what we should do on Thursday.

I am praying we all use this Thanksgiving Day to start a year of expressing gratitude that will change our attitude and nourish our inner person.

Mike Parker is a columnist for the Neuse News. You can reach him at mparker16@gmail.com.